It’s the beginning of the year which typically means that’s it’s time for everyone to have their New Year’s Resolutions for 2014.
I’ve never really been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. Everyone starts off the year highly optimistic with many hopes of doing all of these wonderfully fantastic things, but in the end people end up giving up on their resolutions quickly and then they move on, hoping that the following year will be better for them. I think the problem is that we create resolutions but we either don’t have solid plans on how to make those resolutions happen or we tend to want results for things quickly, and when that does not happen, we give up on them.
So, instead of calling these things New Year’s Resolutions, I stick to simply calling them goals. It takes away that stigma, at least for me. Goals can be started at any time. Goals don’t need to be big and grand. Sometimes a bunch of little goals ultimately leads to a bigger outcome than one giant goal. It’s also easier to focus and tackle goals when you break them down into smaller parts. Want a new job? Well, instead of focusing on the giant picture of an awesome new job, focus on the smaller things that can get you that new job such as learning new skills or brushing up on old skills, fixing up your resume, networking with people that can help you on this new path, etc. It may sound dumb, but at least for me taking on bigger things in smaller chunks is helpful.
With all of that being said, I’m going to write down a few of my goals here so that I have this list to remind me of what I want to do and where I want to go. These are in no particular order.
- See stars and the Northern Lights: I’ve seen stars before. I think everyone has seen stars before. But what I want to do is go somewhere where the stars shine so incredibly brightly and just fill up the sky. Sara showed me a video of what I would want to see, which I’ll put below. I also would love to see the Northern Lights because I’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights. What this all means is that I need to plan a trip to Canada and go to one of these Dark Sky locations so I can see the beauty of those stars with my own eyes. I’m sure I can convince at least some people to go to Canada with me to do that!
- Go back to my pre-surgery weight/just be healthier again: As happy as I was to donate a kidney last year, I’m less happy with what happened with myself. I gained 10 pounds since the surgery, and let me tell you, I feel every single bit of those 10 pounds. I feel seriously fat and ugly these days. Not that I was all that much skinnier, but I am just not nearly as healthy as I was. It’s not even completely the weight. The surgery took me out from being able to actually exercise for a long time. When I was cleared to start doing more of my normal things six months after that surgery, well, I had just lost all of the motivation I had. I guess sitting on your butt so much just steals away all of your desire. But, I actually did try going for more walks and getting back into running, but my body just didn’t feel completely right when I did it and, thus, I stopped. And then, this past week with all the snow we had, I went out doing some shoveling and the area where I had a hernia repaired during that kidney transplant felt pretty uncomfortable. It was sore and achy and at one point just plain hurt. Luckily I could tell I didn’t actually give myself another hernia, but it definitely scared me. I don’t want to injure myself like that again! But, with that being said, I need to start taking care of myself once again. I need to stop eating so much junk and sugary stuff, most of which I hadn’t eaten before the surgery, and get back to a healthier diet again. If there’s one thing I learned from when I lost weight two years ago, it’s a lot more about what you eat than it is about the exercise. And, thus, my plan is to eat better like I was before the surgery and work my way back into more strenuous exercise. I need to work my way back up and strengthen my body so that I won’t have anymore pain (not the good I just worked out pain, but pain pain) and I won’t injure myself. I also need to go back to my happy sleep schedule (which I’m obviously not doing right now because I’m writing this and it’s already 1am).
- Traveling: I want to travel a little bit this year. I mentioned going to Canada for the stars already. I also would like to return to San Francisco (which, perhaps one day I’ll move to….maybe) and visit my friends and meet their baby! I told them I’d go over there and babysit so they could go out on a hot date and make baby #2, haha! I also would like to go to San Diego and visit my old high school friend that I haven’t seen since 2008. I think my original plan was to go to Comic Con, but I don’t think that’s something I’ll be able to do. We’ll see about that part. But, I would love to go visit my friend regardless. I’m not entirely sure I’ll be able to travel at all this year, but I still definitely want to and it’s on my list of goals for that very reason.
- Take the Cisco Certified Network Associate Exam: I have never been a big fan of networking, however, I do know it’s an important skill for me to definitely improve upon. So my goal is to study for the CCNA and get my first Cisco Certification this year. It’s not just important for having something else on my resume. I want to actually prove to myself that I can do it. I don’t know why I doubt myself about it. I doubted I could pass the Security+ Exam and I passed that last month. So I will get this certification this year!
- Be a better friend: This one is super important to me. Last year, I was going to change parts of my friendships because it was what was necessary for a certain relationship. Once I knew that we were going to give this relationship a chance, I called up certain friends to tell them about the adjustment I needed to do with my friendships. They didn’t like it, but they all supported me as true friends do. I felt bad about it; like I was partly betraying them. But it was the choice I made and I was going all out for this relationship. It was not to last, however, and six or so hours later the other person called off this relationship since they didn’t believe me earlier about adjusting certain friendships I had (which is funny considering I immediately went on to adjust those friendships, though she didn’t know that I guess). Months later, I looked back at my actions from that time and I knew that I owed them all an apology. I was, to be blunt, a shitty friend to them for making that adjustment (even if that adjustment ended up lasting all of six hours). These people always supported me, cared for me, loved me, and were always true to me and I hurt them. And so I apologized to each one that I had done that to. They forgave me, and they all said they understood my actions, but I know I still hurt them all. It’s not something I am going to do again. I learned a very valuable lesson from that; one that I am going to keep with me for a long time. So my goal is to be as good a friend to them as they’ve always been to me, especially this past year when I didn’t really deserve it.
- Work on my Faith: God is very important to me. I know I’m not one that talks about these things often with anyone, but God is a big part of my life. I am not at all a perfect Christian/Catholic. There are so many people who know more about the Bible; who know more about all the little nuances of our faith than I do. But I still try to watch and listen. Observation is probably one of the things I am best at. There are certain people that I talk to about these things and I’ve learned a great deal from them. Sara, in particular, has helped me get a better handle on my own faith just by always explaining things to me or sharing Bible verses with me. Faith is always a work in progress, and this is one goal that I don’t have a particular place I want to be with it in the short term. I just know that I have a lot more to learn and understand and it’s my goal to keep growing with it.
Other Random Things
This week was a reminder to me of just how hard it is to get over someone. When I fall in love, I put everything into that. I know it didn’t work out and I got hurt and all, but I really loved that woman. Even though it’s been almost two months since I last spoke with her, she still ends up coming to my mind every single day. I told my friend about how I still found myself praying for my ex’s happiness every single evening before bed. Like I said in my previous post, I just really truly want her to be happy. What my friend said kind of surprised me, though. My friend said that, while it’s good and nice to pray for someone to be happy, perhaps it’s time to pray more for my own happiness. And that really hit me hard. My friend was right and I did need to start focusing more of my attention on my own happiness. The truth is, my ex is with someone else and she is happy (that’s a bit of an assumption on my part, but I feel like she is happy) and so she doesn’t need my prayers for happiness. It’s time to let go of that because her happiness isn’t on me anymore, and it hasn’t been for a while now. So it’s time for my next step in getting over her and to focus on my own happiness more.
Speaking of failed love and such, this song has been in my head the past couple of days because I heard it in a Walgreen’s:
We had dinner for my grandmother’s 85th birthday this evening. It’s always nice to see her face when the majority of the family gets together for dinner. I think seeing everyone from most of her kids to grandkids to great grandkids makes her extremely happy. It’s probably the best gift she gets. And it’s good for all of us, as well, because it’s rare when so many of us can be at one place at the same time. I’m definitely appreciating these moments more these days.
I suppose this is the end of this post. It’s almost 2am now and I’m falling asleep typing at this point. Maybe another goal should be to write more in this blog (but I know that won’t happen).
I should also work on proper endings to these posts. I rarely know how to conclude these things.
Julio's Musings 
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