Julio's Musings

Christmas is almost upon us. To be completely honest, I have absolutely zero Christmas spirit. Most of the time I have a little bit. Last year I felt super great about Christmas. This year, though, I’m basically just trying to get through the day and hoping it will pass quickly.

If you read my last post, the reason is probably clear. I’m sad about the end of something that I thought was going to get stronger and greater. But, to be completely honest, it’s not even so much the end of of that relationship (though, in fairness, we hadn’t gotten back together. I just thought we were going to). I think what I miss most of all is the friendship. We had issues with dating (and the fault lies on both of us for that), but we were pretty good as friends. I miss my friend a lot. I miss the random conversations and the support we gave each other. I know a lot of that was rooted in the fact that we had been in love and such, but I still miss her as my friend. So my sadness comes from losing both someone I did love as well as losing someone who was simply my friend. And so I endure. I am trying so hard just to get through this holiday season and be done with it because this is the the least happy I’ve been at Christmas ever and it’s such a pain in the ass and it sucks. But I keep doing my best to endure and survive.

Since it is Christmas, I’ve been listening to Christmas music more recently. It hasn’t helped get me in the spirit, but at least it helps me pretend to be. So here are the songs I’ve played the most recently.

1) Winter White – A Fine Frenzy.  Okay, the truth is I just love this song because it’s kind of bitter. It’s my favorite bitter Christmas song! I don’t know if having a favorite bitter Christmas song is a good thing…..

2) Underneath the Tree – Kelly Clarkson.  This is from her new Christmas album, and I have no idea why but I found myself playing this song over and over. It’s just so happy sounding and I love it!

3) Something About December – Christina Perri.  Ah, Christina Perri, my #2 behind Kelly Clarkson. I do love Christina Perri (A LOT!). This song is great just because it reminds me that, no matter where I am in my life, I still have people that love me.

4) Winter Dreams – Kelly Clarkson.  I’m totally going to ignore the fact that Kelly wrote this for her husband haha! This is another song I find myself replaying a lot. It’s all about being in love and being happy! How could I NOT like this song?

5) Blue Christmas – Michael Bublé. I started out with a sadder Christmas song, so I may as well end with one. I know Elvis has the original version of this song, but I like this version.

I do have one good thing to talk about, though. I finally took my Security+ Certification Exam this past Friday. Somehow, shockingly, I managed to pass the test! I really truly did not think that I would, but I managed to pass that exam and I’m so happy! I sat in my car for a good ten minutes after that test just shocked that I had passed it.  It’s pretty much the only thing that’s really made me happy this past month. I put that test off for so long and kept studying on and off and never had the motivation or desire to really just put everything into it and get it done, but I finally had to do it and I’m still surprised I succeeded! I’m so happy! 🙂

This brings us to the end of this post. One final thing about that whole me being sad thing. I do miss her a lot, like I said. And she did hurt me a lot at the end. But, I’m hoping she’s doing well and that she’s happy. That’s not sarcasm or anything. I’ve always wanted her to be happy, and even though we couldn’t make each other happy in the end, I hope she has something now that brings her a great deal of joy.

As for me, who knows what will happen. I guess I first have to get over all of this that I’m feeling right now. Not that there’s anyone for me to date now anyway, but maybe one day there will be. So I have to continue to slowly heal and continue on with life. But, hey, I did complete one of my goals of getting that certification, so I guess that means I’m on my way! 🙂