I have a confession: One of the first things I did on my 30th birthday was cry. Now, before you start thinking that I cried because I turned 30, that wasn’t the reason. While turning 30 was one of those big milestone type of things, one that I wasn’t thrilled about getting to, it wasn’t something that made me depressed or anything like that. In truth, 30 is just another year in my life. Unfortunately, it started off in a crappy way that I didn’t expect.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
So I started out Age 29 by falling in love, which was pretty amazing and unexpected at the time.
The best thing I did, and probably one of the best thing I’ll ever do in my life, was donate a kidney to my mom. She had been sick for a good four years or so and after going through extensive testing we were finally able to do the donation surgery. Let me tell you, recovering from that surgery sucks. I didn’t start to really feel better for a month, and it still would be another few months before I felt more like myself. But it was a pretty interesting experience and if I had to do it again I most definitely would. My mom is doing so much better; the change is like night and day.
My best friends got married, which was pretty awesome. It was an amazing wedding! I haven’t had that much fun at a wedding ever. The ceremony was so moving and happy. Those two were so nervous, but you could see how much they love each other and how ready they were for that step in their lives. It was one of the most beautiful things I got to see this year.
And the last thing I did towards the end of age 29, one of the last things I did in my 20s, was go to visit my friends in Italy! It was my first time traveling internationally and traveling so far on my own. Usually my trips involve other people (though I did go to San Francisco on my own a good six years back). It was such an great time and those two weeks I was there went by so quickly! But I did get to go to Rome, Naples, and Florence while finding plenty of time to just relax and not worry about things as much as I had been. I didn’t take great pictures, but if you want to see them you can find them here:
It was a great way to end my 20s…
But now that brings us back to my 30th birthday. Looking back at my posts from this year, they seem to have this theme of losing love. I fell in love at the beginning of 29, and by 30 I found myself completely heartbroken again. I suppose I should have seen it coming, and maybe part of me did see but just ignored it, but it still hurt a great deal. I had been lied to for a longer period than I thought, and I managed to learn how much I had been lied to a good two hours into my birthday. And I cried. Thus, I knew I had to let go of that person. That, of course, made me cry more. It’s almost 3am on my birthday and I’m crying. How sad is that?
My birthday wasn’t terrible, though. Overall, it ended up being a pretty good day. I guess being out camping with my friends at the time really helped that out. They are all such good and amazing people and I am probably not deserving of such love and kindness. But I’m incredibly thankful for those good people in my life.
Three weeks later and I still feel sad about it all. Until this week I didn’t realize how angry I felt about it. I guess I’m going through all of those stages of loss: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You know, I’ve accepted it. I’m not in as terrible a place as I thought I would be about it. And it seems I’m going through all of those stages at once. But it gets easier each day.
There have been two songs I’ve been listening to a lot of late:
1. Holy Grail – Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake. I know this song is about the perils of fame and such, but Justin’s lyrics just express my anger and sad feelings pretty well:
Julio's Musings 
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