Julio's Musings

Well, it has definitely been quite a while since my last blog post. I think it’s been three months now. That’s not good. I need to definitely work on that. Well, we’ll see.

Also, I’m typing this in the dark. That’s probably not good for my eyes.

My Own Improvements

It has been a pretty decent few months. I can’t complain much, and I’m happy about that. Life has been pretty quiet without much in the way of excitement (maybe some fun things here and there), but it’s been good. I continue to grow as a person and have had a good stretch of general happiness.

I suppose one of the reasons for that general happy feeling is that I feel probably better than I’ve felt in a long time. I somehow got into the habit of taking better care of myself, and it’s been pretty good for me. I don’t typically like talking about my weight and all that stuff unless someone actually comes out and asks me (I’m not one for sharing a ton, which may be hard to believe since I have a blog filled with me sharing…hmm…), but I have managed to lose some weight, so that’s awesome for me. When Lent came around back in February, I was not feeling great about my weight. I definitely had gained a ton of weight, and it made me feel uncomfortable. It got past the point where I felt okay in my own skin. So, one of my goals for Lent was to lose some weight. I didn’t have some huge lofty goal for quick weight loss or anything like that. I figured I’d lose maybe 5-8 pounds during the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter (roughly 6 weeks). I actually ended up losing 15 pounds during that time. I wasn’t trying to lose so much weight in that time frame, it was just a byproduct of the other things I had been doing (not eating McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, etc., nor having pop or junk foods in general. Plus, I started going running more and more). And now it’s June and I’m down 22 pounds. So, I guess that’s a good thing. I could stand to lose some more weight, but it’s not my goal to. I think if I were simply able to maintain my current weight, I’d be okay with that.

The other contributing factor is that my sleep schedule somehow regulated itself. If you know me at all, you know that since high school I’ve been one to not sleep until 3am on a daily basis. It’s not a good thing to get so little sleep. Now, usually when 10pm approaches, I get pretty tired. This results in me going to bed much earlier than I used to. (Well, except for right now because I’m actually wanting/needing to write for the first time in months). So, usually I have this two hour window that I go to sleep, between 10pm-12am. It’s usually more in the middle of those two times. But, when I don’t go to sleep within that time period, what happens is that I get even more tired, but then it’s harder for me to sleep. So then I’m pretty screwed up for the next day. Ultimately, it’s now best for me to go to sleep in this time. It’s strange because I’ve gone so long with such a bad sleeping schedule, but this new one actually makes me feel better the next day. So I guess I cannot complain about it.

And, lastly, with school in a weird state of flux at the moment, I decided to start studying for my computer certifications. I managed to get my first one, the A+ Certification, about a month ago. So that’s definitely helping in my job search since I have been able to apply for more jobs having that certification. My next goal will be the Security+ Certification, which I’ll probably try to do in a few weeks I think.

So, all in all, even though things aren’t perfect (I could so use money right now), things are kind of steadily improving. I know it’s not a great deal of progress, but I’m just happy to actually feel any sort of progress.

If You Never Try You’ll Never Know Just What You’re Worth

When you try your best and you don’t succeed.
When you get what you want but not what you need.
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep.
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I’ve been reminded of that Coldplay song a lot lately. Songs mean different things to different people, but this one always makes me think of someone who is struggling with changes in their life and that they need to find their way back. They need to fix themselves. Now, obviously it will mean something different to others, but this is what it means for me. One of the things I’ve noticed over the past few months is that a lot of people are struggling with their own happiness. People feel alone, unsuccessful, sick, stuck, stressed, or even worthless. I’m sure there are more adjectives I could use, but I can’t think of them right now. But, it’s upsetting when people you care about feel so crappy. But, as we all know, sometimes we struggle. It’s part of life. It’s a question of whether or not we stay like that.

Now, I know people try to put on a strong face and hide their problems a lot of times. Well, mostly. Sometimes we just end up putting all our stuff on Facebook, haha. That darn social network. But anyway, a lot of times we try to hide what’s wrong with us because we don’t want to be seen as weak and vulnerable and as if we’re simply complaining. So we hold in our feelings and try to mask them so others won’t notice while at the same time wishing people would see something is wrong with us. So, what’s the problem with that? Well, the problem with that is that we will get upset that nobody really notices that we’re hiding something and then we feel as if nobody really cares. This leads to a buildup of sadness and anger and this feeling of worthlessness that simply adds to the negativity we’re already feeling. And then, of course, it ends up blowing up at the least opportune moment and we embarrass ourselves, embarrass someone else, and ultimately make everything worse. This is definitely not the way to go.

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to get ourselves to a happy and comfortable place. Deciding that we want to be is a step in the right direction for sure, but it’s also the easiest thing. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: happiness is not easy. The best things in life require work and dedication and happiness definitely requires both. If you feel like things aren’t going well, you have to work to change those things. It’s a hard lesson, but such a necessary one to learn.

Some things are out of our control. I cannot control the amount of classes I can get. I cannot control someone giving me a job. What I can do, though, is to keep taking classes (even if it’s one at a bloody time) until I finally finish. What I can do is keep applying and putting myself out there until someone takes a chance and hires me. I can keep learning outside of the classroom and get my certifications so I can at least show others and myself that, hey, I actually know something.

The same applies for everyone. You can’t always control your health, but you can control what you do for yourself and how you react to those setbacks you may experience. You can’t control the people in your life and how they treat you, but you can control how you treat them and how you handle things they may throw at you. You can’t control the way other people view you, but you can decide how you view yourself. Nobody other than yourself should make you feel worthless. You must develop your own very strong sense of self worth. It’s not easy, but it’s oh-so-doable. If I can do it, trust me when I say that you can as well.

And Summer Approaches


My least favorite time of year is pretty much here now: Summertime. Oh how hot it will get! But, since I just talked about handling things in a positive way, I shall once again make that a goal for the summer. I may not enjoy those 90+ degree days, but I do really love the 70+ degree summer nights. Nighttime is actually my most favorite part of summer. The air is cooler, the world is still buzzing with excitement, and driving with the windows down and the wind blowing is pretty amazeballs! (Yes, I feel kind of douchey for actually using the word “amazeballs.” I also used the word “adorbs” the other day to describe an adorable looking dress, which I’m also not that proud of, haha).

So, what are the plans for the summer? Well, first and foremost is obviously the hope beyond hope that I’ll find employment! That would be fantastic! I’m missing working more and more every single freaking day. I’m so ready to be back doing something (hopefully something in IT). Plus, you know, money would be great. Seriously.

I’m sure at some point I’ll find myself on a beach. I managed to avoid it all of last summer, but I have this feeling I won’t be avoiding it this year. There will be various other outside activities I’m sure, such as mini golfing, festivals, cookouts, 4th of July, maybe some concerts, and whatever other outside activities that will come up during the next few months.

OH! And, of course, The Dark Knight Rises comes out next month! I’m beyond excited for this movie! It’s basically the only movie I care about this whole summer. I’m sure I’ll see other movies, but if I could only see one, then it would have to be that one. I am a bit worried because trilogies don’t seem to really end on a high note (I’m looking at you, Spiderman 3!), but I’m really hoping this movie will end up being awesome and worth the four year wait.

And Finally

I’m going to end this by saying that Carly Rae Jepsen’s song is still always stuck in my head! It’s an infection and I have it going through my head every day. EVERY DAY!

I threw a wish in a well
Don’t ask me I’ll never tell
I looked to you as it fell
And now you’re in my way
I trade my soul for a wish
Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn’t looking for this
But now you’re in my way
Your stare was holdin’
Ripped jeans, skin was showin’
Hot night, wind was blowin’
Where you think you’re going baby
Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my number
So call me maybe

I typed that out by heart! How terrible is that? And now I’m going to being singing that to sleep.