Julio's Musings

This post will probably not make any sense. I’m just writing the thoughts that come to my head in my tired state. Almost like a stream of consciousness. 

Dreams can be powerful things. I have strange dreams seemingly all the time that always keep me thinking. Sometimes they even seem to be a bit prophetic, haha. Lately, though…lately they have taken a decidedly darker turn.

They are strong dreams. It makes me wonder what I fall asleep thinking about. I never actually remember what I’m thinking about before bed, if anything at all. They are dreams involving the past, the present, and the future. They leave me wondering how I’ll deal with situations that may occur sooner or later. They leave me fearful of returning to past ways. They keep me from restful sleep in the present.

Something has been trying to catch me in the latest of these dreams. I wake up scared and not fully knowing what to do. As silly as it may or may not sound, I’m getting chased by the devil in these dreams, though they most certainly should be called nightmares.

The dreams from earlier this week involve not knowing what to do with a situation that could potentially happen one day. Funny…something that might happen on some undetermined day. Stuff like that shouldn’t be on my mind, and yet oddly has been lately. I miss people. I fear people. I fear losing all I’ve worked for recently.

As Yoda said: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

As these fears have been brought up in my dream world, I keep getting angry with myself for even having those fears. The anger just leads to more crazy dreams; nightmares that I hate with a passion. I never like these types of dreams because it’s almost like a culmination of all the negative aspects of me.

The dream felt like an attack of sorts, you know, like when Freddy Krueger tries to go after the teens in their dreams to kill them. In this dream, it felt like the devil was trying to get inside of me. It’s a dream that has happened before, though it’s been an incredibly long time since that happened. I was so spiritually beaten down at that time that I was exceedingly easy prey. I’m a lot stronger now, and though this dream of an attack was powerful, it was unsuccessful.

Dreams and nightmares are intriguing things. They feel so real at times but are so hard to understand. I think I just want to have more normal and happy dreams now. 

And thus ends my post of straight non-sensical thoughts. Well, maybe they made sense in some way. But really, they weren’t meant to make too much sense. Kind of like a dream.

Yeah, remind me not to write any more blog posts when I’m super tired, haha!