Julio's Musings

Wow, it’s already July. That’s incredibly insane. The year is halfway over now, and I gotta say, I’m incredibly thrilled by that. The first half of this year has been full of drama, anger, sadness, pain, and generally any other negative thing you can think of. This has been such a big year of change it’s a bit crazy. I know when midnight came on New Year’s Day I definitely did not expect my life to be how it is now. Schools were changed, jobs were removed, loves were lost, and friends have moved on to other things. Life has been very random at times.

What I’ve learned is that letting go is a lot harder than it should be. It can take a lot of hard work to finally get to that point where you can say to yourself that you’re ready and mean it. I had to take myself through my own emotional hell and back before I could be at the ready point. Many things were pushed hard and some possibly to their limits: family, friendships, and my own mental health. But I sit here in this incredibly warm house (central air broke and is currently being repaired thank God) with a new outlook on what I’ve lost and what I’ve gained. I did lose something that was incredibly important to me, but something that I ultimately needed to lose. Sometimes life is like that. What I gained was a better understanding of my own character and strength. I don’t think I ever really knew how strong I could be. I also gained a better appreciation of everything and everyone in my life. The bonds I have with my friends were put to the test, but those bonds are now stronger and I am grateful for that.

The first hours of 2010 started out so hopeful, but it was only to last mere hours. It has been a downward spiral since. That ends now. I’ve worked hard to get to this point. It’s time to look up and use the second half of this year to continue improving myself and to enjoy everything again. I’ve already started all of that which feels really great. I’ve definitely missed feeling genuinely happy.

What I lost…it didn’t particularly end well. But there is no hate or animosity. Though things became pretty bad, I still remember all the good. Like I said, it was an incredibly important thing to me. Life goes on, however, and even though it’s taken me much longer than I would have liked, I am moving on and letting go of that part of my life. I have a blank canvas for my future now, and it’s time I started painting that picture.